Link! You're on the alert again
So put on your skirt again!
Get ready to fight till it hurts
Have a nap, take a squirt
Begin another adventure through the countryside!
Kickin' some ass!
Kickin' some ass!
Kickin' some ass!
The baddies are on the rise since Ganon died
Stay off the grass! Stay on the road, get off the grass!

The yellow road is your priority, you're sorta like Dorothy
Man up!
You'll have to fight your shadow hand to hand (Again, just like Peter Pan)

There will be rats (radical rats!) with boomerangs
Link, is that your wang?

Hyrule is strange, every new game it changes
The map rearranges and I don't know where to go
Zelda is comatose, maybe she overdosed
By the way what happened to your bow?

Here we go now
Link you are patrolling, sidescrolling, and Ganon's trolling
Sure, this title's clunky and funky, but look, a monkey!
You must gain XP (In P bags)
Like an RPG (Yes, P bags)
Still though, run away (La la la)
From the KKK, what the

Link! Go stab a statue so that you can heal your ass dude
Don't whine that it's harder, you martyr, now go walk on water!

Learn to thrust up and down, visit a tiny town
This lady gives you care, what does she do in there?
You get an extra life from Zelda merchandise, now go forth
Your adventure is nigh!
You shall go to Death Mountain, fly fly!
It's called Death Mountain 'cause you will die
Why is this part so hard, Jesus why?
But not halfway as hard as the end
Just expect to get buttraped, my friend
'Cause your shadow is set to attack
He knows all of your moves, plus he's black
He might be Ganon's ghost but you have to persevere (Believe me)
Or just use this here (Game Genie)
Link you must prevail (For Zelda)
Link you must not fail, now go!

So once again you've saved your countrymen from certain death
Your sleeping beauty is awake but watch out, morning breath
You will have more daring escapades
Challenges along the way
Maybe you will learn to play the flute some other day
But for now
Look, buddy you saved the world
Yeah, buddy you got the girl
You did really great!
Celebrate, have a date, procreate
Link you win!
Yeah!