[Intro: Narrator, Link]
All good little Zelda fans know by now that there have been many different versions of Link
As well as many different versions of the Hyrule he protects
However, they may not know that the version of Link found in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is just a, a massively arrogant asshole!
Yeah, I know, yeah, it's disappointing, isn't it?
I mean, don't get me wrong, the game's phenomenal
But, oh, oh, here he comes! Shh-shh!
Okay, everybody calm down, I saved you!

[Link]
Things were bad, I won't lie, you were all gonna die
But you're alive because I kick ass!
So you're welcome, I guess, either way I'm the best
I'm the Link, who's the Link to the past!

There's a bunch of Links
Each of us distinct
But I'm the best

I am number one
Look how fast I run
And I'm really fun
Guess I'm just blessed

Yes, I saved Light and Dark Worlds
Zelda too, and like six other girls
My quest was epic and long
As is my schlong
I bring bad guys to their knees
No, no, no, no, no autographs, please
I'm a gift to you from the gods
I'm the shit! And quite fit!
Just admit you want my babies!

You're like "Wow! Sacré bleu, we were deep in poo poo
But Link showed up and voila, we were free!"
You were lost, stuck in bed, you were basically dead
But you're all alive because of me!

So you're welcome, no prob, yeah I did a great job
But I just did what you woulda done
That's a joke, obviously! No, it had to be me
I'm the Link who's the Link to the past
And my wiener is vast
And you're all saved at last!
I kick ass