You've won a mansion, Luigi
Don't question it, it's legit; no bullshit
It may be crumbling and creepy
But much more space than the tiny place you split

Luigi, hello! Welcome to my hut!
I'm Professor E. Gadd, stop scratching your butt
This mansion appeared in a big puff of doom
And it's dusty as shit, here
Take this vacuum
Your brother gets a world, and a land, and a mouse
He gets a galaxy! You get a fucking house
By the way, he's here, and he's feeling sad
He's stuck in a painting, which is suddenly bad

Come in and join us, Luigi
Maybe you'll make a new friend, a ghoul-friend
Your pants may be full of pee-pee
But once you're in here, the fun will never end

So you get a launch title, make the most of out it
Get a free mansion, take the ghosts out of it
I teach you to Ghostbust, it's easy enough
Just sucky-sucky-sucky, and clean up the white stuff
The mansion isn't real, just go in and suck it up
The money's real though, so Scrooge McDuck it up
There's butlers and grannies and babies, so go
And if you get scared, just yell "Mario!"
Are you fed up with this tune yet?
It is the one song you hear, yes, one, one
So though it grates at the onset
It won't last long, seven hours and you're done

Can't I just be in Super Mario Sunshine?
No!