I have been to a magical place
Where the air smells like warm apple pie
Where the grass is so green
And the sky is so blue
That the colors feel warm in your eyes

And the flowers dance
And the sun is grinning
And the Piggies fly around in their pen
Its a wondrous land and I love it so
But I'm never doing mushrooms again

Oh I could tell you stories of a mystical kingdom
Where the kitties and the doggies speak mandarin Chinese
I've seen hot dogs and sandwich meats put on a production of Mame
And an orchard of basketball trees

And you can fly
Into the heavens
So much higher than you've ever been
And I thought I could too
So I flew out a third story window
So I'm never doing acid again

And when nights falls in my magical place
The dark rolls in like the tide
I've looked up and the stars were so beautiful
That the moon hung his head and cried
And all at once
I understood
In a frightening and lightning zen
I was one with God
But number two in my pants
So I'm never doing peyote again

After fracturing my clavicle
When I flew forty feet
And jumping on a stranger
Like a Saint Bernard in heat
Her angry boyfriend kicked my ass and stormed off raving mad
When suddenly and rapidly my trip got bad

The clouds turned into ravens and they pooped on my new car
The darkness fell down from the sky and burnt like molten tar
A trash can chased me down the street and tried to eat my toes
If you've never had a bad trip let me tell you it blows

I'll always miss my magical place
Where the ground feels like cotton when you fall and split your chin
But they caught me shoplifting NyQuil at a Walmart in Maine
So I admit defeat
But I wish that I could cheat
'Cause once you've been there life is never quite as sweet
But I can't ever go back there again