Who are these jerks, this group of critical nerds
To denigrate Russell Crowe and make me feel like a turd?
All it would take is just a minute or two
But, no, they won't let me sing
Russell Crowe, what would you dooo?

Should I pick fights with random dudes?
Should I go start a crappy band?
Should I be really hard to work with?
Or should I die by my own haaand?

Damned if I'll look like a flibbety-fool
Damned if I'll look like a flobbity-tool
This is not just a comedy bit
Either I sing like Russell Crowe or that's iiit!

I'll escape now from this world
I will end my life today
Now I'll never have my song
I'll just have to find a waaay...