[Brent]
I'm so bored
Time to sheath the sword
Why is this game so damn adored?
Everyone says it's so much fun
Twelve hours in, I quit, yeah, I'm done
I liked Zelda more before the 64
Hashtag Ocarina of Time

[Brent, Dave]
Stop!
Before you say something you might regret
Hello, Dave
Don't diss Ocarina on the Internet
Or what?
Think what frightening fanboys you provoke
They don't know you're otherwise a decent bloke

Oh no, Ocarina minions
Look Dave, this is my opinion
After twelve hours? Your opinion is conjecture
Do I sense a rambling lecture?
Yes!

[Dave]
Hyrule was grander in our minds
Than a flat 2D plane
We longed for a game
To expand that old land that we loved
Secrets and treasure we can find
In the corners and caves
That we couldn't see
Back when we squinted down from above
Run 'round wild and free
Dive into the sea
Climb a tree and generally explore the flipping country
[Brent, Dave]
Yeah, maybe if I were six
No no no no, lemme stop you there
Maybe don't be a prick
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, lemme clear the air
Let's be calm and adult
I'm just not in the cult

Play through the night, you'll see the light
It's wonderful, so beautiful
It blew your little socks off
I get that, but
You might see my viewpoint if I could rebut-
Why don't you feel the love that this game
Inspires in thousands of lives 'round the world?

Here's what I'm getting at
The crappy textures make it all look so gross and flat!
And why do those two guys run around like that?
And also there's this owl who will not shut up!
Not one for reading, then?
This makes my eyeballs sore
3D was done so well in Mario 64
Although it was released two whole years before
This clunky piece of crap you worship so much
[Brent, Dave, both]
But it is loved by all
Hah, delusional
And it is wonderful
I just don't feel the magic
You're all alone in this, 'cause
It feels like
Everyone's on board
Except for me, douchebag!

They took my Hy-yi-rule
Yeah! And made it real!
And made it look like stool
Ugh! What is your deal?
I don't know why it gives you such a boner
Cha cha cha!

And ya know what I hate?
Well, you know what I love?
Aiming shots
Breaking pots
Just connect the dots in your brainy bank, you zany yank
Navi's voice
Much more choice
But I don't rejoice when my choices suck
Ya limey fuck
Menu screen
Magic beans
Which are dumb
No, they're not!
Zombie screams
Haunt my dreams
But it's fun!
It's not fun!
Yes, it is
No, it's not
Yes, it is!
Is not!
Is too!
You're dumb!
Screw you!
Blow me!
No thanks
Damn it
Shut up
Shut up

You're the worst kind of fanboy
You're the missing link to the past
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Wazzock!
Asshole!
Why don't you come and say that to my face?
Well, maybe I will!
Well, why don't you?
Where are you going?

[Brent]
Hey smarty-pants, oh, don't be shy
You wanna dance? Well, so do I
Now here's your chance to tell me why you love this game

[Dave]
Well, where to start? And what's the goal?
It's games as art that touch the soul
You have no heart, so how can you speak of love?

[Brent, Dave]
That's bullcrap and you know it!
Graphically, Ocarina was a tragedy
We needed this when 3D hadn't found its way
Do the textures cause depressive personality?
So gamers could say "this is how the future of games could be!"
'Cause they're literally sad to see

They took that game I loved so much
To live inside that world
And twisted it into a beast
And explore the land, sword in hand, be the hero
And made it look all new and strange
That's what we'd all dreamed of
If there's one thing I hate, it's change!

This overrated chore
This is just nostalgia now!
With all its fanboy drones
You just weren't the proper age!
What's worse, it spawned a million lame adventure clones
Nintendo Power scored it high
Its pace was taut, yet fun

This is your nostalgia now
A story that grips
Without relying on some pre-rendered clips
If you show it to a child today
It's a method that went on to eclipse
They'll ask you for Link to the Past
All others to this day
It's much more fun to play!

[Brent, Dave, both]
If you won't disavow
Listen to your heart!
This, your sacredest cow
If you still know how
Either way
I don't care, 'cause
This ends now!

Man, this was an unnecessarily elaborate argument
You could say that, yes
But then you could've said a lot if I'd have just listened
I can't believe we even fought over this, I mean
We're both Zelda fans right?
Totally! Even if it is in slightly different ways
I mean, who says all the games you love have to hold up well?
Yeah! And why should you like anything that happened after you turned nine?
Right, and it's fine if you love things because everybody else does
Indeed! And far be it from me to tell you exactly where you can shove-

Stop before you say something you might regret
Why're we always fighting on the Internet?
Fandom starts with love, there's no need to shove
Surely we can
Disagree and
Still both be fans of stuff

We're here for fun and games
Let friendship quench those flamewars
So you're wrong, so what?
And even though you're wrong
I know we'll still be friends
We'll get along
Whatever you think about
Ocarina of Time
Ocarina of Time

Was great!
Sucks