[Verse 1]
Unfortunately, I am
My own dog, my own fur companion
My own old lady on a forum
Who types in glittery decorum

Unfortunately, I take
Myself out walking every day
I hand my legs to the feet and
I give my head to the leash

[Chorus]
Every other day I’m wondering
What’s a human being gotta be like?
What’s a way to just be competent?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I’m wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I’m certain’s mad incompetence?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Verse 2]
I can't smell well, or tell the time
Not K through 8, nor K dash 9
For human, grossly underqualified
For canine, grossly overqualified
I don’t blend in at PetSmart
That truth remains for the Walmart
In either case, they say to me
"What the fuck is lost in aisle 3?"

[Chorus]
Every other day I’m wondering
What’s a human being gotta be like?
What’s a way to just be competent?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I’m wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I’m certain’s mad incompetence?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Verse 3]
Just watch me, movin' far away
Nobody even knows my name and
No one suspects that I’m not fine, and
Nobody outs behavioural Frankenstein

Just look at Victor in LA
And Syd with the "y" at U of A
And all the majors at the labels
Rebootin' soon as I am able
[Chorus]
Every other day I'm wondering
What’s a human being gotta be like?
What’s a way to just be competent?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I’m wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I’m certain’s mad incompetence?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Outro]
Da da da da da da, da da da
Da da da da da da, da da da, da
Da da da da da da, da da da
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Da da da da da da, da da da
Da da da da da da, da da da, da
Da da da da da da, da da da
These sweet instincts ruin my life