[Verse 1]
Circa 1992, Hitchens faxed his copy through
"As Regards Columbus Day"
If you'll permit me the conceit of a posthumous critique
I'll paraphrase:

[Verse 2]
"My colorful, exotic friend, respectable, well-spoken
Unlike the rest of them
As you know, I'm color-blind
And you're a credit to your kind, your kind

[Verse 3]
This silly talk of resurgence, ceremony, communion with
An unconquered natural world
Tell me, where is your gratitude
For all we've done for you?

[Pre-Chorus 1]
This paradise, Eden
Empire, kingdom

[Verse 4]
This boundless epoch we've bestowed
Upon your savage, empty lands
Of course mistakes were made, but as far as human progress goes
Welcome to a slightly higher plane
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Of innovation and opportunity
For your trampled communities

[Verse 5]
The treaties that we broke, the lands that we filched
The settlements put to the torch
The children we abused
All for your own good, of course

[Pre-Chorus 3]
It happens to be the way
History has been made

[Chorus 1]
Don't go play with a toy gun
Or change lanes without signaling
Don't comply, don't resist
'Cause it don't make no difference

[Refrain]
Comply, resist?
No difference
Resist, comply?
You die
[Verse 7]
The funny names you give your kids
The silly ways you do your hair
The jungle music that you blare
We snicker and we sneer, for they do not revere

[Chorus 2]
The incessant gadgetry
We incessantly deploy
To incessantly extract
And incessantly destroy
You don't worship us
Oh, why don't you worship us?

[Refrain]
Resist, comply?
You die"