[Verse 1]
My first hunting trip was quite eventful
I must've been about five or six
An essential rite of passage
For those consigned here with a dick

[Verse 2]
Shot size five was recommended for
A clean, efficient kill
They laughed as I cried
And stroked his blood-soaked iridescent quills

[Verse 3]
Don't recall just how I got there
To the hatchery, I mean
Stumbled through the bush on a field trip
And there it stood in front of me

[Verse 4]
I stooped down upon the concrete pad
To verify what I was seeing
The aftermath of stomping boots
Upon hundreds of tiny, helpless beings

[Chorus 1]
Hello despair
And booze-fueled rage
How do you do
My gilded cage??
[Bridge]
Stupid chick on the conveyor belt, staring at her severed foot
Stupid pig despairing at the sight of his companion on a hook
You ever see that stupid cow chasing the truck that drove off with her calf?
Stupid lower order, always good, good for a good laugh

[Refrain]
Debarked, declawed
Defanged, dehorned
Wings clipped, toes cut
Branded, teeth pulled

[Chorus 2]
Farewell despair
And booze-fueled rage
How do you do
Soon-to-be-emptied cage?