The Safest Sex

The safest sex I ever had was with a hooker

No commitment, no deceit, just a small disease I soon got over

Oh, but love's incurable

I mean, it comes and goes but it never leaves for good



The smartest sex I ever had was with my hand

We both knew when we were through, we weren't making any plans

Oh, but we knew we'd meet again

And through the years we've managed to stay friends



Oh no, oh yeah



The simplest sex I ever had was anonymous

No names and faces, just dates and places, yeah, just a quick procedural service

We both got what we need

So why on earth would we ever disagree?



Yeah but



The wildest sex I ever had was on the phone

Yeah I was James Dean, I was Marlon Brando, I was Marilyn Monroe

Oh and you, you were Nina Simone

That entire night I held my ear to your piano



Oh no, oh yeah



The only sex I ever want I already had

As the summer sets on my libido, my loins are summoned by the past

Nostalgia drives us mad

And visions of our youth hardly clad



I guess I'll always be a kid

But the candy store is closed

The greatest sex I'll ever know

Was years and years ago



Do do do do do do do do do