[Intro]
This next song is a first hand account

[Verse 1]
High school party, senior year
Boys and girls, they're all sippin' on beer
I like soda, where's the soda?
Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda?
I see her from across the crowd
I said the party is bumpin', and the music is loud
You're really drunk, and you're lookin' sad
It's like a date rape ad
Girl, then we start to dance and
Girl, baby, this is romance
Girl, I'm startin' to grow down below
Shit, why did I wear sweatpants?
Ooh, yeah
Girl, your body's like what
Conjunction junction, that's a fine ass, butt
I'm like a cashew in a lollipop
Just keep suckin' 'til you get to the nut

[Verse 2]
And I said
Let's rob an Asian kitchen or stroll down the block
Either way, girl, we're takin' a wok
You're gonna love me the way my uncle did
Except you're not gonna go to court for doin' it
Be a guillotine or my girl instead
Either way, I said, you're givin' me head
I'm gonna love you, baby, the right way
Shorty with a body lookin' hotty when I say
Girl, yeah
[Verse 3]
We go into the bedroom
Exchanging nervous laughter
Why's it called dry humping
If I always need a towel after?
You spread your naked legs, and I
See that wound that never healed
Even though you're yellin' for me
I can tell your lips are sealed
I've been around
We're both aware of my erection
You ask if I have protection
I say, "No
I mean, I tried to buy 'em once, I was in the convenience store
My old babysitter walked in, I had to hide them near the Tic-Tac's
I was so embarrassed, I peed myself a little bit"

[Interlude]
Girl
Girl, yeah, well, yeah

[Verse 4]
Insert a euphemism, a sexy mental prism
Increase my pelvic rhythm, fill you with my syllogism
I know your body, and I know how to please you
Don't thank me, thank Wikipedia
Guys don't go down, well, I am
What the fuck is that? I should have brought my diagram
Ooh... Did you feel that?
That was an educated guess
Ooh, yeah, did you feel that?
Uh, that one was a sneeze, my bad
I'm allergic to one type of cat
[Outro]
High school party, senior year
None of that happened 'cause I wasn't invited