[Intro]
There’s things I don’t want to be misconstrued in my act I feel often are
I don't want you leaving my sho, thinking that I think I know better than people, or that I, I think I'm better than people in general
Um... okay I wanted to put that out there
Uh, this is a song from the perspective of God

[Verse 1]
The books you think I wrote are way too thick
Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick
And I don't watch you when you sleep
Surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep

[Hook 1]
You're not going to heaven
Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you
None of you are going to heaven
There's a trillion aliens cooler than you

[Bridge 1]
You shouldn't abstain from rape just because you think that I want you to
You shouldn't rape because rape is a fucked up thing to do
(It's pretty obvious just don't fucking rape people
I didn't think I had to write that one down for you.)

[Verse 2]
I don't think masturbation is obscene
It's absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen
You make my job a living hell
I sent gays to fix overpopulation
Boy, did that go well
[Hook 2]
You're not going to heaven
Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns
None of you are going to heaven
You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims

[Bridge 2]
You shouldn't abstain from pork just cause you think that I want you to
You can eat pork, because why the fuck would I give a shit?
(I created the universe you think I'm drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?)

[Verse 3]
You argue and you bicker and you fight
Atheists and Catholics
Jews and Hindus argue day and night
Over what they think is true
But no one entertains the thought
That maybe God does not believe in you

[Hook 3]
You pray so badly for heaven
Knowing any day might be the day that you die
But maybe life on earth could be heaven
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth the try?

[Bridge 3]
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won't need it
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won't need it
I'm not going to give you love just cause I know that you want me to
If you want love then the love has gotta come from you
(Thank you very much)