[Bo Burnham]
Ying Yang friends

[T.J. Miller]
Ying yang friends

[Bo]
T.J.!

[T.J.]
Bo Burnham. Love this dude. Friends forever, right man?

[Bo]
Yeah, bro

[T.J.]
Ebony and Ivory. 'Cept we both Ivory, motherfuckers!

[Bo]
Yeah, man. Hear that beat? That's heavy, man. That's heavy

[T.J.]
We gotta respect one another. I respect his work, y'all

[Bo]
I respect his family
[T.J.]
Yeah, I'll respect your families, y'all

[Bo]
It's the illest, still silliest Dr. Seuss
I fuck witches, bitches, make Goody Proctor loose
Yea, I went to the zoo, man I fisted a goose
And while my hand was inside it, I threw up the deuce
Bruce. Die hard. "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
I'm the fresh young kid, you the saggy old Phyllis
Diller kid; I'm the DJ killer
Now I'm passing the mic off to TJ Miller, what!

[T.J.]
It's the silliest, illiest illiest Dr. Seuss
I fuck witches make Doctors Proctors loose
I went to the zoo man, and fisted a goose, man
When my hand was inside her, I threw up two fingers
Die hard!

[Bo]
Yo, Teej, those are my rhymes, dude
And stealin' my rhymes, dude, is borderline rude

[T.J.]
What are you talking about, man? What's the deal
I mean, if the Beasty Boys do it, they say the same-
[Bo]
No, the Beasty Boys emphasize words at the end-
[T.J.]
Saying the same words. Ok fine, all right, I'll do something different
Okay
Yo, Teej, that's my rhymes, dude. And stealin' my rizz-ums is borderline rude

[Bo]
You're joking, right? That's the same-

[T.J.]
No, I'm singing. That's the chorus, I'm doing the chorus now

[Bo]
That's now how..., okay, I'll give you a word
Just, rhyme...just rhyme a word... look

The best duo around, ain't no one bigga

[T.J.]
I wanna give a shout-out to all my n***as!

[Bo]
No, dude, we can't fucking say that, are you serious?

[T.J.]
What? You said it yesterday in the car!

[Bo]
I was- okay. I was singing along to the song that I enjoy
[T.J.]
Whatever, man. You said it in the car
When you say it in the car, you say it outdoors!

[Bo]
Yo, are you, like, in one of your moods today or whatever?

[T.J.]
Yeah, mood. Y'know
I get it. I'm always in a mood. I'm always-

[Bo]
Well, it seems like- all right, just please rap. Can you just start rapping?

[T.J.]
Oh yeah, no sure. I'll rap. I love rapping

[Bo]
Okay, go

[T.J.]
I got so much sadness, so much shame
'Cause when we go on stage, they always scream your name

[Bo]
No. Look. No, man. No one's leavin' you out
It's just, "Bo, Bo!" is easy to shout

[T.J.]
When we share hotel rooms, I feel like a creep
'Cause I like masturbating while watching you sleep

[Bo]
Yo, that's fucked up, dude
Man, you said, "Bo, trust me"
Now I know why all my pillows are crusty
I'm really, really worried and a bit annoyed
It seems you're sending signals like some fucked up Sigmund Freud shit

[T.J.]
I'll never be like you. You'll always be better

[Bo]
Yo, just wake me up next time. We'll jack off together!

[T.J.]
What? No, that's not what I wanna do!

[Bo]
We can rent a movie or something

[T.J.]
Come on, don't be weird, man
It's just difficult because obviously, you're the better rapper

[Bo]
No, it's not-

[T.J.]
Yeah, in this situation...

[Bo]
Better is a stupid word. We balance each other out

[T.J.]
I'm not some special needs kid, okay

[Bo]
No- well, all right

[T.J.]
Yeah, there's always one person that's better

[Bo]
Can we just-

[T.J.]
You're Justin Timberlake, I'm the rest of N'Sync

[Bo]
Ying Yang Friends! 1, 2, punch. Hungry still? Here's some lunch
We're Dodo. Ring like Fodo. Quasimodo got a hunch
Mess with us, we'll fuck your daughter, take her out, break her water
Now Teej, please, make the track even hotter

[T.J.]
I can't 'cause you're the better man
Everybody likes you; and the plan
Is always your decision, you're the best
Look at TJ, make fun of his sweatervest
When girls wanna sleep with you, they talk to me
Then you tell them, "Hey, walk over here with me"
Then you make out with them when clearly
I was talking to her all night at the bar;
Clearly a very attractive red head who is into photography

[Bo]
It seems like you have issues that you need to work out
Before you step out into the recording studio

[T.J.]
Well, then, why don't I work them out on my own. I get it, okay... It's over

[Bo]
We done here?

[T.J.]
Yeah, we're done;
Don't let the door hit you on the time you go out of the... exit

Yo, yo, yo...

YING YANG FRIENDS

[T.J.]
Lets do this again!

[Bo]
Yeah!

[T.J.]
Friends forever! 'Til the end, motherfuckers

[Bo]
See you tomorrow?

[T.J.]
Peace