You think I'm crazy?
HA! That's real funny.

If I were crazy, would I have written a twelve-hundred-
page novel without using a single vowel?
No. 'Cause I did. And I'm not crazy.

If I were crazy, would I be able to predict the future by
dropping empty tuna cans into an open drain in my backyard?
No. 'Cause I can. And I'm not crazy.

If I were crazy, would I love to slit your fucking throat
just to watch the color drain from your face and onto
that cleanly pressed collared shirt of yours?
Yes. I would love that if I were crazy.

But I'm not crazy.