[Spoken Intro]
My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish
Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself
And then act like a fucking bitch all the time

[Intro]
My show is a little bit silly
And a little bit pretentious
Like Shakespeare's willy
Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
It's also a little bit gay
And a little bit offensive
Like Thanksgiving Day
Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
So, put your cell phones to vibrate
And put your vibrators to cell phone mode

[Verse 1]
Welcome to the show
It goes a little bit like this
Joke, exactly
Welcome to my flow
It flows a little bit like this
With a rap and a dis
And a swift wrap on the wrist
A wrap and a kiss
Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss
Shit, I got a show that'll test ya kids
Then, ask one question
And that question is
[Chorus]
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, f-funny
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, oh yeah

[Verse 2]
Humor is often linked to shared experience
Like, a guy gets up and says
"Have you noticed that public restrooms
Have really inefficient hand-dryers?"
Oh my God, yes, I have
Ha-ha-ha
Really good point, they should fix that
It's good to know that somebody finally gets me
Because my wife divorced me
Which subconsciously forced me
To lose all sense of self
So, it's nice to think about hand-dryers
And not that cheating whore
Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy
If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say
"My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent"
Then, just do a Chinese accent
Because everybody laughs at the Chinese accent
Because they privately thought
That your people were laughable
And now you've given them the chance to express that in public
Ah, yeah
If you're a musical comic
Just give 'em a little weird voice inflection
Then take a Viagra and slap them
With a rock-hard misdirection
[Chorus]
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, f-funny
TOURETTES!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny

[Verse 3]
Oh, and the audience says
When I was a baby
Maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
Now I'm older and bolder
And just get mad cause I notice
That the keys are to a Hummer
Fuck my life, I don't fuck my wife
So, fuck my wife and fuck my life
And my son is gay, but not "sitcom gay"
Daughter's a whore like another girl
That used to be her mother
But the marriage made her
"Miss Merry Americana"
I wanna teen without screaming prima-donna
But the radical feminists made my wife a man
Oh, and if I die happy
The situation will be autoerotic asphyxiation
I hate my life and it hates me back
And my friend is black
But I don't know what to call him
So, I just call him
"What up, Jamal?"
Even though his name is Steve
I hate my job, I hate my life
Hate my kids, hate my wife
Jews would know I'd do it, Judas beat me to it
I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma
And I masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me
[Chorus]
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, f-funny
*Pop* it's a boy!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, yeah
Hopefully this
*Blows raspberry*