[Intro]
Boy, oh boy. Any big fans of country music out there?
*Applause*
Yeah! Ooh, some people extending my name, "Boo", that's also approval! I- I think- I think country music Get's a bad- Get's a bad rep, you know? Why is it, when Bruce Springsteen sings about a- when Bruce Springsteen sings about a fuckin' turnpike, it is art, and then when someone sings about a horse, it's dumb, inherently? I don't know, I think some of the greatest song writers of all time are country artists: Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, you know? And if you're writing honestly, that is art! And I would never bash that! Um, the problem is, with a lot of modern country music, wha- what is called "Stadium Country Music"
Sort of Keith Urban Brand of Country music is that it is not honest, it is the exact opposite of honest
*Country music starts playing and Bo speaks in a faux-country accent*
Where instead of people actually telling their stories, you got a bunch of millionaire metrosexuals who've never done a hard days work in their life, but they figured out the words and the phrases they can use to pander to their audience, and they list the same words and phrases off sort of mad libs style in every song, raking in millions of dollars from actual working class people! You know the words, you know the phrases, phrases like--

[Verse 1]
A dirt road, a cold beer
A blue jeans, a red pickup
A rural noun, simple adjective
No shoes, no shirt
No Jews, you didn't hear that
Sort of a mental typo
I walk and talk like a field hand
But the boots I'm wearing cost three grand
I write songs about riding tractors
From the comfort of a private jet

[Chorus 1]
I could sing in Mandarin
You'd still know I'm pandering
Huntin' deer and chasing trout
A Bud Light with the logo facing out
Hear that subtle mandolin
That's textbook panderin'
I own a private ranch that I rarely use
I don't like dirt
[Bridge]
One verse, one chorus in the bag
Now it's time to talk to the ladies
I'm hoping my Southern charm offsets all these rapey vibes I'm puttin' out

[Verse 2]
Good girl in a straw hat
With her arms out in a corn field
That is a scarecrow
Thought that was a human woman, sorry
A cold night, a cold beer
A cold jeans, strike that last one
I'm wanting you, I hope you're feeling me
Sub-textually
We go to bed, you doze off
So I take your country girl clothes off
I put my hands on your body
It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again

[Chorus 2]
Like Mike’s Evander-ing
Fuck your ears, I'm pandering
I write songs for the people who do
Jobs in the towns that I'd never move to
Legalize gerry-mandering
Tolerate my pandering
You got a beautiful mouth
I got a beautiful–
Y'all dumb motherfuckers want a key change?
[Chorus 3]
Thematically meandering
Emphatically pandering
I got a tight grip on my demo's balls
Say the word "truck," they jizz in their overalls
You don't know what land you're in
I'm in the land of pandering
And I'll be upfront
I do what I do 'cause I'm a total fuckin' country boy

[Outro]
You know, like, that genre?
They’re lying to you. That’s all. They’re lying… Entertainers, they are lying and they are manipulating you. And it’s not in a good way. It’s like advertising. You deserve better. I’m not saying I’m it, but I’m the guy that says you deserve better. You go get better. You say, “Thank you, weird man. Bye.”