So, I've done a lot of comedy, so let's, uh...
Take a little break from that, and this is um...
This is just a song that's...
If you'll just indulge me, it's...
Yeah

She was the perfect woman
In every single way
She made the sun shine brighter
And all my cares go away
She was the perfect woman
She was a gourmet chef
They say that love is blind
Well it's also deaf

'Cause Helen Keller was the perfect woman
And no one understands
Just how talented she was with her hands, ugh
Well God made her the perfect woman
I was the finishing touch
She was the perfect woman 'cause she didn't talk so much

She wanted to name the kids
So I finally let her
It turned out horribly
Chewbacca could've done better, *imitates Chewbacca*
But I guess it was alright
We had a boy and a girl
Just me and Helen, ehhh-haaa, and Earl
'Cause Helen Keller was my miracle worker
I was her one-man show
I could walk around the house naked
She wouldn't even know
Because Helen Keller was my perfect woman
I was her only need
Well, she didn't mind the zits on my ass
It gave her more to read

It gave her more to read, it gave her more to read
It gave her more to read, it gave her more to read
More to read, it gave her more to read, more to read
More to-

Helen Keller was my perfect woman
But I don't think she cared
I played this song for her
She just sat there and stared
Well she was still my perfect woman
I was sort of a mess
I asked her to marry me, she said, "UH-EE-OHHH"

So yeah, I did just graduate high school
Seniors '08!
And, um...
Yeah, I actually wrestled in high school
I was only in one match and I lost... my virginity, um
Yeah my high school girlfriend actually, she recently told me that I kiss like a stroke victim, which is weird that she has that, like, frame of reference, y'know?
But, y'know, I stopped and I thought, what would Jesus do? Um
So I, uh, didn't exist
No, I'm just kidding
I took her out to dinner, just ordered the bread and then told her to eat me

This next song... what the fuck am I doing?