Ned - Bubba the Love Sponge
50 Shades of White Trash Pt. 1
And now a dramatic reading of the latest work of fiction by Nedly Mandingo the third: 50 Shades of White trash
In his Mountain Dew tank-top and his tight cutoff jeans, Ted Johnson struck an opposing figure. And he knew it. His c*ckiness was only matched by his sperm count. Which is why he had seven illegitimate children from seven different mothers.
It was another dry, hot, dusty day in his late flaccid trailer park. he was a handyman by trade and he was currently three hours late for a plumbing job he was completely ill-equipped to handle. His only hope was that the woman of the house needed a pipe cleaning more than she needed her leaky faucet fixed.
He pulled his Pontiac Firebird into the gravel driveway with the kind of overblown macho swagger that can only be pulled off by someone who was deep, deep white trash. He used his tan muscular arms to haul himself out of the car through the t-tops. Since the driver-side door was permanently jammed from a Jim-bean induced rollover from three years ago. He walked confidently as he made his way to the trailer. His boots crunched on every step on the dusty limestone.
The trailer was moldy and unkempt with a distinct sag in the middle. He made his way to the front of the trailer, climbing up the steps. Which were not steps at all but actually old milk cartons piled haphazardly in front of a screen door. He started to knock but then a young woman suddenly appeared and opened the door.
"Howdy," she said. "My name's Dierdra." She was a stocky girl well on her way to being grossly overweight. But still being able to cling on to that last bit of sexiness. Until the next bucket of fried chicken ripped it from her pudgy fingers. He could tell her a** was big, but stuffed and molded into her too-tight jeans. It was shapely enough. Ted pretended to accidentally drop his pen. And she quickly bent down to retrieve it, her faded blue jeans stretching to their limit. Like ten pounds of sh*t stuffed into a five pound sack.
The sexual tension between the two was immediate and obvious. Almost as obvious as the ample bulge in his cutoff shorts. Feeling a burst of confidence from the perk of sets he had taken a half hour before. Ted brushed up against her backside with the turgent outline of his p*n*s. She turned and looked into his eyes with a stare that said "My uncle raped me when I was 11, so obviously I'll screw you." Never one for subtlety, Ted ripped down her tube top revealing two enormous undulating breasts that seemed to be at least double E's. Ted quickly undid his ma**ive Harley Davidson belt buckle, as Dierdra struggled to wiggle out of her too tight jeans. Like a garter snake trying to shed its old skin. Ted couldn't help noticing her nipples were long, pink, and hard. As hard as the three day old cat sh*t sitting on the kitchen counter behind him. He pulled down his pants and waited for the gasp, as he revealed his oversize manhood. Dierdra did gasp in awe. The kind of gasp usually reserved for a $25 crackle barrel giftcard.