[Intro: Budo Masuta, Taro Yamada, & Midori Gurin]
Hey, Yamada, I have to ask you somethin'
Huh? Um, sure, what is it?
Do you do anything other than sit there and read?
Well, I—
Look, I won't dance around the issue, so I'll get to the point
Why don't you join the martial arts club?
What? Why?
Because it's beneficial! You'll learn self-defense, work out, and—
Sorry, Masuta, but I have to say no
Why? What is it with you and turning down every club that approaches you?
Well, I—
You know what? I have a better idea
How 'bout I show you and the entire school why you should stop loitering around and join a club?
Wha—?
Epic Rap Battles of Akademi!
Budo Masuta versus Taro Yamada!
Begin!

[Verse 1: Budo Masuta]
So, let me get this straight; you just sit there and read
Without a care in the world or a want or a need?
Would you call that livin'? I call that bein' a bum
You'll be beggin' to join my club when this rap battle's done
Taro, you blend into the crowd with some friends here or there
But what you really need is a purpose, not just read fresh air
How 'bout I show you how to defend yourself so you can survive?
After that, you'll finally know the meaning of being alive
You got nothin' to say? Come on, show me what you can do
I know a million ways to fight you and a hundred ways to block you
Taro, say something! You really have nothing to say?
If you don't, then why the heck won't you see things my way?
[Verse 2: Taro Yamada]
*sighs*
Look, Masuta, I'm just not interested, alright?
Why would I join a club like yours unless I'm lookin' for a fight?
I just want to read in peace, but you just had to open your mouth
So let me shut you up and tell you what this Yamada's all about
I'm an average teenage guy trying to get by in school
Without anyone's approval and not lookin' like a fool
Unlike you, I mean, c'mon! You walk around like Bruce Lee
Tellin' people, "Hey! join my club! We do karate!"
But let's face it, why learn about fighting unless you plan
To use it any time you want? What's your thoughts on that, then?
If you can't defend that, then you've already lost
Now pardon my English, but can you kindly fuck off?

[Verse 3: Budo Masuta & Taro Yamada]
There's no need to get hostile, buddy, I just wanted to convince you
That there's more to life than reading what fictional characters will do
You can laugh all you want, but you might not regret joining me
If someone goes berserk and starts a random killing spree
Now, see? That logic just doesn't make sense
If no one here's a psycho, then why should I learn defense?
Unless you're planning something, Budo, wanna spill what that's about?
Why learn defense unless you plan to knock someone out?

[Verse 4: Budo Masuta & Taro Yamada]
You're putting words in my mouth! (Then stop trying to judge me, okay?)
(I like reading, get over it!) But how is that okay?
Like, all you do is read! What kind of girl finds that attractive?
What? Is that what this is about? What about being active?
You dense motherfucker! Would you look up for once?
There's a bunch of girls that think you're the cutest of the bunch!
How can you be so blind despite the reading you keep doing?
Gah, what am I saying? Heck, who am I fooling?
Now, see, unlike you, I don't care about someone's looks
I just want them to be kind and maybe like some of my books
If you want a girl that badly, read and see how far that goes
You've made an ass of yourself, and now everybody knows
[Outro: Midori Gurin, Budo Masuta & Taro Yamada, Akademi students, Ayano Aishi]
Who won? Um, I'm not sure
Someone tell me! This is too tough! Just who won?
Midori!
Sorry! Sorry! I guess you decide?
Epic Rap! (Rap) Battles!
Midori
Ah! Of Akademi!
Get back here!