Michaela Laws
Queen of Hearts vs. Wicked Witch of the West
[Verse 1: Queen of Hearts]
I am not amused, nor am I entertained
If I want a broom, I'll fetch the maid
To sweep up this wizard of oozing
The moment they forecast a spell of rain
I've been reigning non-stop, you're a coward
Who waited with monkeys on top of a tower
So now you've a stench like some jabberwocky droppings
How about you be a doll and go pop in a shower?
Your hatter is madder than usual
That whole traffic cone cap you don't suit at all
You can't value your head, you're so damn executable
Even came dressed for your funeral
Now, here's the hottеst tea you could fill a teapot with
Went from modеsty to the Scary Poppins
You're the one broad who can stand next to Harry Osborn
And look lots more like a Green Goblin

[Verse 2: Wicked Witch of the West]
You've dealt a bad hand
With those atrocious rhymes, so hit me!
Man, I'm wicked, but your tyranny's
Not going to fly, my pretty
This time the witch will do the burning
In a rap battle, I flame non-stop
With the fire to make you crispy
When I snap, cackle, and then pop off
Alice should give you the bottle instead
You need a shrink since you're off with your head
Like a rose I can paint your whole body in red
But they ain't got an axe that could chop through your neck
Step to my pentagram, with a pen in hand
Cue the temper tantrum - you're a petty brat
It's so funny your country is named so apt
I'm wondering if your punches will ever land
Don't you come for my monkey huntsman
When you're undercut by a munchkin husband
Who frees citizens from your dusty dungeon
He's tweedle dinky, you're the tweedle dumb one
I'm surprised that crown even fits at all
You looked less round on my crystal ball
Shut that pie hole amidst this brawl
Before somebody might trip and fall
[Verse 3: Queen of Hearts]
I get the crowd loud when I'm picked as a spitter
Bring the house down, you'll get squished like your sister
Finish foul-mouthing, freak frivolous fibber
Or have it gouged out, like it is a tongue twister
Who is the most inconsistently written whack villain in fiction?
I think it's the fraud with the slippers
Is that fake wizard your dad
Or a fling that you kissed then? You freudian slipper!
Don't toy with me, bitch! I got a kingdom I run unopposed
Your soldiers rejoiced when you split
It wasn't a secret they hated you
Doesn't take much to go under that nose
You look like an ugly Fiona
Except you've been stuck as the ogre, just make a potion
And it might've been fine in 1939
But in today's climate you're still aquaphobic?
NO NO NO! That's not how I wanted it!
Throw those roses and plant me some poppy seeds
'Cuz I'd rather nod off to sleep
You may defy only gravity, NOT THE QUEEN!
How wicked, it's your bitter end
There's no fake out. After this, you're dead
Let us sing songs while she's ripped to shreds
Off with - ding dong - THE WITCH'S HEAD!!!
[Verse 4: Wicked Witch of the West]
There's no lady as lazy as Bridget is
If you could, you would probably make the flamingo spit
Going through hoops, and you're still never winning this
And you aren't getting past me, I'm no wicket witch
Governed by hearsay, your man should abort ship
Don't hear what he says: it's kangaroo courtship
"My pretty" is simply too generous
You are my hideous-blob-on-the-brink-of-divorcing
How bizarre, with a thousand of lousy guards
All I'd lose is a round of hearts
No twister to rip her grounds apart
I can huff and puff to down your house of cards
You and that menace Toto act the same
You both then became a damn basket case
Though you lack any bite, you explode with rage
And only can choke on that cone of shame
So let them eat tarts or that head will loosen
From french pastries to french revolution
You entered a threat but then left a doofus
You're destined to fail in execution!