[CAMPBELL]
I put her on the team
She was green as she could be
I took a lot of heat
No one wanted her but me
All my dreams were coming true
I was captain, it was cool
Then I'm suddenly redist... redis...
Sent to another school!

So Skylar's next in line
But somehow Skylar flunks!
So Kylar should be captain
But Kylar's blowing chunks!
Is this all coincidence, just unrelated incidents
That happened to occur
Miraculously making way for her!

Something isn't right here
I don't know what it is
None of this should be happening
But it is, oh, but it is
It's like hearing a ticking sound
Coming from unmarked packages

[EVA, spoken]
Hang on, I'll be right there!
Campbell!
[CAMPBELL, spoken]
Nice... hair...

[EVA, spoken]
Thanks! You know you’ve always been my inspiration!

[CAMPBELL, spoken]
Clearly...

(sung)
Something isn’t right here
I’ve got a spidey sense
Too much has been going down
To chalk it up to coincidence!

[EVA, spoken]
What coincidence?

[CAMPBELL, spoken]
That you, a sophomore, suddenly became captain of the squad?

[EVA, spoken]
You think I did all this on purpose? I’d never take anything away from you

[CAMPBELL, spoken]
Steven?
[STEVEN, spoken]
Baby! What are you doing here?

[CAMPBELL]
Something isn’t right here

[STEVEN, spoken]
Baby, it’s no big

[CAMPBELL]
Something isn’t right here

[STEVEN, spoken]
Eva's helping me with trig

[CAMPBELL]
Your alibi's pathetic
I’m here to call your bluff
There’s no way you’ve studied trig yet
There’s no way he cares enough
Made the team and you made captain
Now you’re all up in his stuff!

[EVA, spoken]
Campbell! Campbell, I’m your friend...
[CAMPBELL, spoken]
Steven, I don’t think we should see each other for a while. Like, forever while

[STEVEN, spoken]
Baby, what?

[CAMPBELL]
She did it, she did it
She came up with a plan
To take all that she took
My team, my school, my man!
Next, she'll win the lotto
Or crap a four leaf clover
Can it just be me
Who sees how she screwed us over?

[KYLAR]
So, it’s her fault I got mono?
And for Skyler failing too?
And she somehow got you transferred
And this whole thing’s about you?

[SKYLAR]
Yeah, our team’s without a captain
And our chances aren’t great
But don’t blame it on your mini-me
She stepped up to the plate!

[KYLAR]
She’s barely out of diapers!

[SKYLAR]
And yet you’re sure it’s true!

[SKYLAR & KYLAR]
She’s getting with your man
Who we all know worships you!

[SKYLAR]
Yeah, I see what’s wrong
Unless you have more to tell us!
You’re paranoid

[KYLAR]
You’re crazy

[SKYLAR & KYLAR]
Or maybe you’re just jealous!