Gruntilda:
If you go into the woods today, you're in for a big surprise
If you go into the woods today, you'd better look to the skies!
For Grunty's here, be full of fear
I'll take everything you hold dear
Like Banjo's sister Tooty
I'll steal all her beauty!

But bird and bear went through my lair
And sure, I gave them quite a scare
But couldn't get them out of my hair!
(...I need to stop for air!)

Yes, you might remember the plot of Banjo-Kazooie
You might also remember that I died and went kablooey
But death can't stop this witchy queen
For I came back, and came back mean
In a plot that was bigger still!
...And then they blew up my drill
Then we were sold off to Microsoft
So Grunty laid around, laid off
For eight long years I had to wait
(Unless you count the GBA...)

Now I'm back with a throwback attack
Ready to give the ursine and the breegull a smack!
You will beg for the Game Over screen
For Grunty's returned, and Gruntilda sings!
Going back to the days I had skin
Fifth (or first) time's the charm, this time I'm going to win!
Going back to the old days of Rare
Now I'm finishing the puzzle and burning the bear!
Horrifying! Grunty sings!
Banjo:
You know, when you insult yourself like that, it's kind of hard to tell if you're meaning it as a compliment

Kazooie:
Please don't tell me we have to answer any more of those awful Brentilda questions…

Gruntilda:
You know you loved those! They were about me! Now take this battle seriously!

Kazooie:
It's a Man on the Internet song; when are those ever serious?

Banjo:
Hey-ho, it's been a while, nearly twenty years…

Gruntilda:
Fly, my mighty broom!

Kazooie:
And Grunty still hasn't shut up, oh, God, I'm bored to tears

Gruntilda:
Now you meet your doom!

Banjo and Kazooie:
Come, let the news be heard
Cheer for the bear and bird
Go out and spread the word
Grunty's going down again!
Yes, it's been way too long
Since our last collect-a-thon
But we will still be strong
Still the best of friends!
Gruntilda:
Oh, shut up! How cliche!
Or trivia you will play!
Grunty's back on the attack
Make you both hide in that pack!
Despite being twiggy, you still got the Jiggies!
Hand your toes over! Squeal, little piggies!

Kazooie:
You do know that means something very different now, right?

Gruntilda:
Still your passive-aggressive hate! I didn't have good internet back in 1998!

Banjo:
You could afford to carve your face into the side of a mountain, but you couldn't afford to upgrade from dial-up?

Gruntilda:
Yes. It was a mess
You're still fighting? Foolish dolts!
I'll blast you worse than reviews for Nuts n' Bolts!

Banjo:
It wasn't that bad...

Kazooie:
Banjo! Look! Jinjos! (And yes it was.) Come on, shake a leg!
Banjo:
Guh-huh! Let's fire em' up, and let's fire off some eggs!

Gruntilda:
Dang it! I needed hindsight!
Then I could have rigged this fight!

Jinjonator:
Jinjonator on the attack
You're not the only one who's back

Gruntilda:
You're in for a big surprise if you go into the woods today
If you look to the skies, you'll see Gruntilda fly away!
For Grunty's here, I'm full of fear
I didn't want those freaks back here!
I just wanted to sing my song!
Oh, God, everything went wrong!

Banjo and Kazooie
Do us a favor when you fall
You mind losing your head again?
We miss it when we play kickball
And we'd love to invite our friends!

Gruntilda:
Sure, we shattered the fourth wall
But when I rise, you'll meet your end!
Just you wait and see!
I'll get you back in Banjo-Threeie!"