It’s time
Ayo Toots it’s time, it’s time, Toots it’s time
I think of chaos, when I’m in a Gotham state of mind

The cobwebs are dripping
This used to be the Penguin’s lair
Poor little Cobblepot, reeked of fish

We’re waiting for all of Gotham’s baddies
So, I’m asking my caddie
“The wood or the iron?”
And she hands me the tire iron

Poor little Dick Grayson
Still asleep in the chair
A little too much gas, not enough flair
So I ignite the flare, and give him a THWAK from the iron
“Wake up little Robin, put on a happy face
All of Gotham’s finest are about to grace-
You with their presence.”

He looks at the flare and says, “You wouldn’t dare.”
I toss the flare in the sewage, “Aren’t you scared?”
“Heh. I grew up in the circus; to me you’re just another clown
Untie me, and I’ll turn that smile upside down!”
Hmm… I can’t help but frown—
As the baddies pour in like the blood from dick’s mouth—
“TELL US WHO THE BATMAN IS!” they continually scream

Harley hooks up the battery to his fingers ears and toes
I get real close, to whisper in his ear, “when I flip this switch
You’ll go up in smoke, but before you feel your appendages fry to the bone…”

“Enough!” he squeals, “I’ll tell you who he is!”

The sewer comes crashing to a hush
You could hear the rats and bats squeaking and flapping about

“I like you… but I want to kill you—“
And flip the switch

The boy-wonder bursts into flame, and writhes in pain as the electricity flows through his veins
Boos and hisses all around
What a bunch of clowns

A sudden explosion! And smoke rains down!

“It’s the batman!” They all scream and scatter
But I can’t move, I'm wracked with laughter

Now he’s got me by the throat, mouthing “Why, why, why, why?”
“They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up in the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful little geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine—
And it would never be enough…
No. I don’t keep count…
But you do, and I love you for it!”