come and see
they will say
you did not know me
they will say
you did not love me
they will say
you did not thirst
for the taste of me

they will say i lied
about our youthful encounter
when i lifted my hem
and i let my form shine through
the folds
of a terrible day

40 years i wandered
in your desert
a moment of your beauty
and 40 years of breathlessness
to balance it
40 years of remorse
40 years of disappointment

sleep which gives no rest
caress which does not calm
excitement with no background
arousal from no depth
the shallows of excitement
because it was not you
and a hand across my mouth
to silence me
a clever fatigue
to shut me down
a knot in my throat
a blow to the brain
a sweet distraction
to kill the appetite

a flush of sugar
to kill the appetite
and then forgetting you
for 40 years
building houses
for women
whom you sent
to remind me

see how i failed you
but that doesn't mean
it never happened

this began
and fizzled out
once again
too tired
to love you
or look for you
in the suffering

and did i forget to thank you
for what i felt
a moment ago
when you beckoned me
with god knows what
drunken promises