Anonymous
Seal of Quality Award Speech
[The winner of this award was Cyberpunk 2077]
[Voiced by StephanosRex]

You were waiting for it, and sure enough it’s arrived. CD Projekt’s foray into the future has somehow ended up even more of a dystopian nightmare than the world they’re trying to portray. It’s like they looked at the ending to Human Revolution and said, “Damn, this is cool as hell. Let’s make an entire game about technology bugging the fuck out.”

Now, there’s plenty of areas we can go into depth with when it comes to technical blunders with Cybеrpunk; performance, behavioral, еxternal. Yeah, external. As in save corruptions. Save corruptions that... took 8 weeks to patch out. Know what caused it? Save file bloat from tagging your items as crafted. How on earth does that even happen? How does a game delayed three times after an 8-year development, still manage to release on consoles with a single-digit average framerate? Hell, how does a company say, without even a hint of irony, that they have the most organic city of all time, knowing full-well that people just hop out of their car and uniformly cower in place the second they hear a gunshot or explosion.

There’s no real way to excuse it, especially when your game is 70 gigs on launch, with a day 1 patch more than half that size. It’s abundantly clear that CDPR got a bit too big for their britches after their success with The Witcher 3, and with the absolutely staggering amount of years they invested into this game, you would think they would have more to hype up than out-of-place e-celeb cameos and penises. Remember though, in the end, CD Projekt Red is Polish, and there’s a reason why Eastern European games are called Eurojank.